The Harvard Business Review has published an article by Michelle Gielan (a positive psychology researcher married to Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage), describing how our response to stress matters more than what happened to cause it.

Our perception of an event – what psychologists call appraisal – makes a big difference in our emotional and physical reactions. If we see a threat, our stress response will be negative. If we see a challenge instead, stress is an ally helping us rise to the occasion. Gielan reports on the results of a study by Plasticity Labs that shows how we can change our response. There are three keys, she says.

  • Cool under pressure.
  • Open communications.
  • Active problem-solving.

People with poor stress management fall into two categories, Gielan suggests, which she calls “Venters” and “Five Alarmers.”  Venters are the people who are quite open about their stress, but they are not cool under pressure and not good problem-solvers. Five Alarmers also share their stress, but they are better able to take action. However, they make no distinction between small and large stresses. They are headed toward burnout, exhaustion and guilt.

Gielan calls people with a healthy, adaptive response to stress “Calm Responders” – they express their stress, but aren’t overwhelmed by it.

The good news is that we really can change how we respond.